Archives for March 2013

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Two best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics – no go.

Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.

Thumbs Down

Then came Minds and Behinds – still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes – unacceptable again!

So they tried Nuts and Butts – no way. Freaks and Cheeks – still no good. Loons and Moons – forget it . Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.

Is This Yours?

Paddy says to Mick “I found this pen, is it yours?”

Mick replies “Don’t know, give it here.” He then writes on a piece of paper and says, “Yes it is”

Paddy asks “How do you know?”

Mick replies, “That’s my handwriting”

Retirement Bonus

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’ which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chiefs’ weenie and began to work back.

“Dear Lord,” he suddenly exclaimed, ”Where are your testicles?”

The old Chief calmly replied, “In Vietnam.”

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