Archives for July 2013

Blue Funeral Suit

A bereaved wife went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him, she started to cry. The undertaker walked over to provide some comfort in this sombre moment.

Through her tears, she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit, although she couldn’t afford to buy him any new clothes.
The undertaker apologised and explained that traditionally, they always dress the bodies in black, but he’d see what he could do at such short notice.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral. When the undertaker pulled back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart new blue suit.

She says to the undertaker, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”

“Well, yesterday afternoon just after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she wanted him to be buried in black,” the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled thankfully at the undertaker.

He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

Bottle of Wine

A Man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’….. and indicated the sender with a nod of his head

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman

The note read: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’..

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady

It read:
‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..

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