Inflamed Appendix Joke

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

 

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

 

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

 

Taped firmly across his pub ic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily – if at all.

 

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence “Get well soon, from the nurse in the Silver Magna you pulled over last week

Police vs Lawyers

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility …

Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’

A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q: ‘Officer, who provided this description?’

A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’

A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’

A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’

Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’

A: ‘Yes, sir, I do.’

Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’

A: ‘Yes, sir.’

Q: ‘Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’

A: ‘You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

Take Care These Holidays

With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several drinks followed by some rather nice wine. Feeling happy I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police booze bus but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it !!

College Cowboy

A young cowboy goes off to college..

Halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. ‘Dad,’ he says, ‘you won’t believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Regina that will teach our dog Ol’ Blue how to talk.’

‘That’s amazing!’ his Dad says ‘How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

‘Just send him down here with $1,000,’ the young cowboy says, ‘I’ll get him in the course.’

So his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home.

‘So how’s Ol’ Blue doing, son?’ his father wants to know.

‘Awesome! Dad, he’s talking up a storm. But you just won’t believe this. They’ve had such good results with talking, they’ve begun to teach the animals how to read.’

‘Read?!’ exclaims his father. ‘No kidding! How do we get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

‘Just send $2,500. I’ll get him in the class.’

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. ‘Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to talk with him, and see him read something!

‘Dad,’ the boy says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead barmaid at the Blue Sky Café and Tavern?”

The father groans and whispers, ‘I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!’

‘I sure did, Dad!’

‘That’s my boy!’

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

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