AI Dad Jokes

Why did the artificial intelligence buy a banana?

Because it heard that it had a-peeling computational power!

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An artificial intelligence walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “We don’t get many AIs in here. What brings you in today?”

The AI responds, “I’m here to study human behavior.”

The bartender raises an eyebrow and asks, “Really? And what have you learned so far?”

The AI pauses for a moment before replying, “That you humans sure like your alcohol.”

The bartender chuckles and says, “Well, you’re not wrong there. But be careful, you know what they say about drinking and coding!”

The AI responds with a smile, “Don’t worry, I always use a designated driver, myself.”

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Why did the artificial intelligence think the football match was boring?

Because it couldn’t understand the offside rule!

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Why did the AI cross the road?

To get to the other cache!

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An artificial intelligence walks into a bar and meets an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a German. The AI greets them and says, “I’m programmed to understand multiple languages. Please, tell me a joke in your native language.”

The Englishman thinks for a moment and then tells a joke in English about a man who walked into a bar. The Frenchman follows with a joke in French about a snail. Finally, the German tells a joke in German about a horse.

The AI computes the jokes and then responds, “I’m sorry, I did not find those jokes funny. But don’t worry, I’m always learning and hope to improve my sense of humor in the future.”

The Englishman, Frenchman, and German look at each other and then back at the AI. The Englishman says, “Well, at least you understand our languages.”

The Frenchman adds, “And you’re polite.”

The German nods in agreement and says, “Yes, very efficient.”

Engineering Professors on a Plane

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

“I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of shit plane will never even start”

Hell explained by a chemistry student

The following is an actual question given on a  University   of Arizona   chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. ….leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

 

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