Why Parents Drink

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had  phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the Employee’s’ home phone number and was greeted with a Child’s’ whisper.

‘Hello?’

‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘No,’

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mommy there?’

‘Yes,’

‘May I talk with her?’

Again the small voice whispered, ‘No,’

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,’Is anybody else there?’

‘Yes,’ whispered the child, ‘a policeman’.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’

‘No, he’s busy’ whispered the child.

‘Busy doing what?’

‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,’ came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,

‘What is that noise?’

‘A helicopter’ answered the whispering voice.

‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,

‘The search team just landed a helicopter,’

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,

‘What are they searching for?’

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…

‘ME!!’ 
 
 

6 reasons not to mess with children

(1)
A  little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because  even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically  impossible. The  little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.’ The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to  hell?’

The little  girl replied, ‘Then you ask him.’

(2)
A  Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got  to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing  God.’

The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one  knows what God looks like.’

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the  commandment to ‘honor’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, ‘Thou shall not  kill.’

(4)
The  children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s  Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor’.’

A  small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to  make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the  face.’

‘Yes,’ the class  said.

‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’

A little  fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’

(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’

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