School Chaplain Angry At Media Stereotypes


With the Abbott Government announcing a substantial increase in funding for the National School Chaplaincy Programme, there’s at least one chaplain not happy with the news.

Graham Stafford, a part-time chaplain at a public school in Central Queensland, is fuming at the portrayal of his profession in the mainstream media.

“Some in the media seem to think we’re evangelical obsessives, determined to ram the Bible’s teachings down the throat of every child in the school. It’s an unfair stereotype that doesn’t take into account the other half of our job.”


School Chaplain Graham Stewart

Mr Stewart, an experienced youth pastor and Australian convenor of the Amy Grant Fan Congregation, provided a list of other tasks undertaken in his role.

“No-one sees the behind the scenes work we do. Exorcisms, high dusting and Jehovah Witness-proofing are just three examples,” Mr Stewart said.

School Principal Janet McGorrie has also added her support. “Graham is an invaluable resource to this school and I can vouch for the increased education outcomes the school has delivered since his employment. One of Graham’s key roles is to go down to the staff room five minutes before the end of lunch. Without fail that staff room is cleared out within thirty seconds, with all staff in their classrooms ready to teach when the bell goes.”

P&C President Jim Staff is less convinced. “Graham’s a lovely bloke and his heart’s in the right place, but I think the twenty plus thousand dollars spent on him could be used for other things within the school. We’ve set a 2014 goal of raising fifty thousand dollars for a range of better facilities. Non-shitty gifts for the mothers and fathers day stalls, a copy of The Adventures of Mr Pink Whistle for every child and an underground car park for the Principal are our priorities. Being able to put the chaplaincy money towards that would be a huge help.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter


  1. .02c is not $0.02.

  2. Great point and I’ve always hated that anyway so have reverted to something much more mundane.

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