Archives for June 2014

Parrots and Dogs

“Why are you crying Fred?” asked the teacher.

“Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in laundry detergent…”

“Fred” said the teacher. “You must have known that detergent is bad for parrots…?”

“Oh it wasn’t the detergent that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier”.

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged. Before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive pink and blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

“That’s great!” the manager cried “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh…” the clerk replied “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me”.

Second Life and Law Teaching

Another great initiative coming out of the University of Western Australia:

A Second Life machinima has been custom made for the first time for one of the major units for a degree programme at UWA with the efforts of UWA Associate Professor Natalie Skead, former champion of the international UWA film challenges, Laurina Hawks of Berlin, and UWA virtual worlds founder Jay Jay Jegathesan.

The brilliant short film (machinima) “Equity & Trusts: Estoppel Tutorial”, was created by Laurina based on a script written by Professor Skead for the LAWS5103 unit, Equity & Trusts, which is a 2nd Year compulsory postgraduate unit for the Juris Doctor (law degree). It was shown to students during tutorials that were a trigger for discussions on the Estoppel principle of law.

Here’s the video:

Airplane Engines Failing

Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engine plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There’s nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick”.

Five minutes later he said “Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late”.

A moment later “Err… sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected”.

One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. “Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we’ll be here all night?”

Apple Consider Abu Dhabi for WWDC 2015

snark-banner-meat

A visibly angry Apple CEO has hinted that its Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) may have a seismic shift in location. Tim Cook, who has helmed the tech behemoth since Steve Jobs’ passing, had one hand half clenched – the angriest body language ever witnessed.

The focus of his fury is the perceived hijacking of the significant announcements on iOS 8 and OSX Yosemite, by the leak of 45 photos from the set of Star Wars Episode VII, currently shooting in Abu Dhabi.

“How vacuous has the world become, where announcements on technology that outpaces anything Star Wars lore has ever come up with, is overtaken by some bad quality photos taken on a non-iPhone,” Mr Cook fumed.

sw-7-14-480w“There’s not one Death Star in those damn pics, but we just announced stuff that will kill half the cloud services in the known universe. And nil reportage of a million voices crying out in terror.”

When prompted on what a popular culture icon the Star Wars franchise has become, Cook was dismissive.

“We’ll see how iconic they are after we hit Abu Dhabi with a full sci-fi themed WWDC next year. And if JJ Abrams thinks his free iCloud storage limit expansion is continuing, he’s in for a hell of a surprise.”

“Oh and one other thing: are they calling this movie Star Wars: Return to Shelbyville? If that’s not a half-built monorail in a bunch of those those pics, I’ll eat an Android phone.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

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