Archives for 2016

Review: Uprooted by Naomi Novik

us-uprooted-e1433948641794When a novel starts with a dragon taking a girl, you may begin to suspect that you are about to slip into a few hundred pages of cliches .

In Naomi Novik’s Uprooted, you can feel at times that this is the case. Novik draws on Eastern European mythology for the framework of this story, and this was helped by the narration on the audio book by Julia Emelin’s accent. Given how many tropes are floating through the book – village girl plucked from mundane life, powerful wizards,  an ancient evil that must be defeated – it is very easy to see where this book is going to go.

Don’t let this dissuade you though. By not having to spend as much time on the story, Novik is able to spend more time creating a unique world , which becomes very vivid. Given the story, there are milestones that are expected to be reached, and the reader is guided to each as the main character grows from the simple village girl to where she’s gotten to by the end of the novel. Along the way, characters are introduced and developed with the care that is required for you to really feel for them. This is where Novik is at her best. Despite feeling that this story is familiar, I found myself caring for these people, and any interruption to the audio presentation was seen as annoying .

Overall, for those who enjoy a rip snorting fantasy that’s light on the politics but has a  coherent mythology, then this one’s for you. And it’s contained in a rarity for the genre – a single book.

Hansard Transcribers Demand Pay Rise

steno-secOne of the most under-recognised roles in any parliament is that of Hansard Transcriber, the individual sits in the chamber logging each parliamentary debates or Committee meeting. It’s a modestly paid position, and in the shadow of a hung parliament there’s a demand for a substantial pay increase.

A senior Hansard Transcriber on staff at the Parliament of Australia has made a plaintive call for consideration of the future welfare of the critical job. Gwen Larkin, a transcriber of 41 years standing has taken the unusual step of speaking out publicly.

“Over the past decade, we’ve received the usual sort of pay rises that the rest of the staff get around the building,” Gwen said during a short interview at Tuggeranong McDonalds.

“But with what we’re looking at in the coming three years, we’re asking for a serious review of our role and the strain we’re under.”

When asked to identify the key stresses of the role, Gwen provided an impassioned list between sobs and a quick run to the toilet.

“In the last term we needed to transcribe the words of Ricky Muir, Glenn Lazarus and Jacquie Lambie. That pushed us close to the edge and we had to bring in some casual staff for the longer debates that these three were involved with. The level of concentration required was huge – there was more mangled English than a mixmaster instruction booklet,” Gwen said.

“Now we are faced with Lambie again, with the addition of a newly elected colleague on her team. We could have coped with that given Lazarus and Muir are gone, but instead we’ve gone from bogans to behemoths of language torture.”

Unable to continue in sentences for a period of time, we were able to glean from Gwen that the arrival of Pauline Hanson and Derryn Hinch in parliament has been the catalyst for the campaign for a 125% pay rise effective from the Senate’s next sitting day.

“We had modelled worst case scenarios of Molly Meldrum and Kyle Sandilands entering parliament, but we’d never considered a Hinch / Hanson / Lambie triumvirate. There’s not a lot that can make this worse, unless Barnaby Joyce increases his time speaking on the floor of the House. Or Shane Warne wins a seat in a by-election.”

When asked why the demands were purely financial, Gwen had a direct answer.

“It’s not about avoiding or reducing the work itself. We can’t expect the uninitiated to bear this burden. We’ve developed a level of adaptation to the more usual stresses such as Kim Carr’s shouting and Eric Abetz’s voice. We just want our roles remunerated appropriately so we don’t have to skimp on counselling or audiometry support.”

We contacted the Department of Parliamentary Services for comment, with a short statement provided in response:

The Department values greatly the role transcribers play in the Parliament of Australia. We also recognise the increased demands of the role but need to balance that with other staff who are experiencing similar issues.

Our Parliamentary Library staff will be facing significant increases in requests to compile proposed legislation into BuzzFeed photo galleries for simpler digestion. Our website team will be tackling the challenge of turning Pauline Hanson’s biography into something that doesn’t look like a ransom note scribbled in Nutella. Our cleaning staff are also preparing for a significant increase in leadership speculation-related carpet wear, food fights and abusive emails.

These issues all need to be taken into account within budgetary constraints and we look forward to working with all affected parties in coming weeks to come to a satisfactory resolution.

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

We Hate People Episode 15: The Well Hung Referendum

logo-withtagline-blogsize300x300As thought leaders in the civilised world, we take on the big historical events this week.

The Show Notes

– Brexit: is it the end of the world as we now it and why does David feel fine?
– Australian election predictions
– Game of Thrones (does contain spoilers but you’ll get a warning)

Don’t forget we’d love your feedback via the website, Twitter or Facebook.

You can find out how to subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Google Play Music or Stitcher here. We also publish the podcasts on YouTube.

If you like this podcast you may also enjoy our gaming podcast: Flash Point

How Men and Women Shower

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

We Hate People Episode 14: Life, The Universe and Wogan

logo-withtagline-blogsize300x300We go a bit rogue even for us this episode, with a lot of time spent on comics, with some Game of Thrones and a book review thrown in for good measure.

The Show Notes

– Eurovision 2016
– Captain America gets a new (crap) twist (link)
– General diatribe against Marvel and DC for their short-sighted retconning obsession
– An unexpected book review – Neal Stephenson’s Seveneves
– David’s failed attempt at a novel
– Will The Black Flash make an appearance in Season 3 of the TV series (link)
– Game of Thrones Season 6 discussion on developments to date (spoilers!)

Don’t forget we’d love your feedback via the website, Twitter or Facebook.

You can find out how to subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Google Play Music or Stitcher here.

If you like this podcast you may also enjoy our gaming podcast: Flash Point

Review: Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

Ancillary_Mercy_CoverWhen you get to the last installment of a trilogy, you expect big things. This is the installment that ties up loose ends, and completes a character’s journey.

In Ancillary Mercy, Anne Leckie manages to do both of these. The action here picks up a few weeks after 2014’s Ancillary Sword, with much of the first few chapters dealing with the immediate aftermath of that novel. It then moves into a holding pattern, with various other tasks at hand, as the novel waits for the Empire at war with themselves to arrive.

That’s not to say that this makes the novel uninteresting. As a world building exercise, this novel certainly expands the universe that the Ancillary Trilogy lives in, and Leckie should be congratulated for creating such a vivid, true enviroment for the characters to inhabit. During all this, the confusion of Breq with gender continues, and despite the idea of journey the character never seems to be any hurry to try remedy this situation. Since the story is told from Breq’s view, everyone being referenced in the female can make it feel like this is a world only of women.

The climax  is something that seemed like it was going to be massive. Without going into spoilers, it isn’t. Overall Leckie has certainly shown herself to be a talent to look for in the future, and one that I will certainly read when her name comes across my desk. As for this novel ? Well, I would say it is a satisfactory ending to the trilogy, with enough room for this universe to be revisited.

We Hate People Episode 13: It’s On!

logo-withtagline-blogsize300x300We get a bit political again with an Aussie election on the way and the US election season grinding on. But don’t worry we also talk everything from Tesla to Taxis.

The Show Notes

– Election called in Australia and outcome predictions (for the record, David claims LNP ends up with 79/150 seats)
– Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton and the US Presidential Election
– Is Apple the new HP? Should they get Elon Musk in to run the show?
– Lyft and GM to launch a self drive taxi service (link)
– Free Comic Book Day
– Vale Prince
– Carpool Karaoke (link)
– Assorted ranting, rambling and banter

Don’t forget we’d love your feedback via the website, Twitter or Facebook.

You can find out how to subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Google Play Music or Stitcher here.

If you like this podcast you may also enjoy our gaming podcast: Flash Point

Euclideon Keeps On Keeping On

Long-term readers will know we’ve been following Bruce Dell and his company Euclideon for essentially the whole of their commercial life.

Here’s a very recent presentation from Bruce Dell on the upcoming launch of the Holoverse VR centre in Brisbane. It also has a useful interview section at the end. Have a watch:

The cynics still abound in regard to Euclideon and their claims, but it appears there’s ongoing progress and growth – whether they end up world dominators is far from certain, but I doubt anyone could argue they’re not trying damn hard to do something great.

What’s your take?

We Hate People Episode 12: And So It Goes

logo-withtagline-blogsize300x300After a too-long break we’re back to talk US presidential elections, Batman vs Superman and Tesla cars just to name three topics.

The Show Notes

– Listener suggestions (thanks Jay Connell!)
– Donald Trump and the US Presidential primaries
– Batman versus Superman / Fans vs Critics
– Tesla Model 3 (link)
– Vale Ronnie Corbett (link to some great examples of his work)
– Assorted ranting, rambling and banter

Don’t forget we’d love your feedback via the website, Twitter or Facebook.

You can find out how to subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Google Play Music or Stitcher here.

If you like this podcast you may also enjoy our gaming podcast: Flash Point

Sometimes CEOs earn their money

Customer_Letter_-_AppleYes it definitely does occur: even some of our highest paid CEOs earn their money sometimes. Apple CEO Tim Cook probably has certainly earned some of his stash the past few months if the open letter he’s just published is any indication.

The full text is below (or the original can be found here). The summary: according to Apple the FBI have asked them to create a version of iOS that has some back doors that the FBI could use to access a suspect’s data. Apple have said no. My guess is that Apple have had to say no multiple times and are still feeling pressured so have published the open letter.

For what it’s worth I think Cook’s stance is correct. For sure they should be helping authorities on a case by case basis, but having an alternate version of iOS with holes in it is a recipe for disaster. What do you think?

A Message to Our Customers
The United States government has demanded that Apple take an unprecedented step which threatens the security of our customers. We oppose this order, which has implications far beyond the legal case at hand.

This moment calls for public discussion, and we want our customers and people around the country to understand what is at stake.

The Need for Encryption
Smartphones, led by iPhone, have become an essential part of our lives. People use them to store an incredible amount of personal information, from our private conversations to our photos, our music, our notes, our calendars and contacts, our financial information and health data, even where we have been and where we are going.

All that information needs to be protected from hackers and criminals who want to access it, steal it, and use it without our knowledge or permission. Customers expect Apple and other technology companies to do everything in our power to protect their personal information, and at Apple we are deeply committed to safeguarding their data.

Compromising the security of our personal information can ultimately put our personal safety at risk. That is why encryption has become so important to all of us.

For many years, we have used encryption to protect our customers’ personal data because we believe it’s the only way to keep their information safe. We have even put that data out of our own reach, because we believe the contents of your iPhone are none of our business.

The San Bernardino Case
We were shocked and outraged by the deadly act of terrorism in San Bernardino last December. We mourn the loss of life and want justice for all those whose lives were affected. The FBI asked us for help in the days following the attack, and we have worked hard to support the government’s efforts to solve this horrible crime. We have no sympathy for terrorists.

When the FBI has requested data that’s in our possession, we have provided it. Apple complies with valid subpoenas and search warrants, as we have in the San Bernardino case. We have also made Apple engineers available to advise the FBI, and we’ve offered our best ideas on a number of investigative options at their disposal.

We have great respect for the professionals at the FBI, and we believe their intentions are good. Up to this point, we have done everything that is both within our power and within the law to help them. But now the U.S. government has asked us for something we simply do not have, and something we consider too dangerous to create. They have asked us to build a backdoor to the iPhone.

Specifically, the FBI wants us to make a new version of the iPhone operating system, circumventing several important security features, and install it on an iPhone recovered during the investigation. In the wrong hands, this software — which does not exist today — would have the potential to unlock any iPhone in someone’s physical possession.

The FBI may use different words to describe this tool, but make no mistake: Building a version of iOS that bypasses security in this way would undeniably create a backdoor. And while the government may argue that its use would be limited to this case, there is no way to guarantee such control.

The Threat to Data Security
Some would argue that building a backdoor for just one iPhone is a simple, clean-cut solution. But it ignores both the basics of digital security and the significance of what the government is demanding in this case.

In today’s digital world, the “key” to an encrypted system is a piece of information that unlocks the data, and it is only as secure as the protections around it. Once the information is known, or a way to bypass the code is revealed, the encryption can be defeated by anyone with that knowledge.

The government suggests this tool could only be used once, on one phone. But that’s simply not true. Once created, the technique could be used over and over again, on any number of devices. In the physical world, it would be the equivalent of a master key, capable of opening hundreds of millions of locks — from restaurants and banks to stores and homes. No reasonable person would find that acceptable.

The government is asking Apple to hack our own users and undermine decades of security advancements that protect our customers — including tens of millions of American citizens — from sophisticated hackers and cybercriminals. The same engineers who built strong encryption into the iPhone to protect our users would, ironically, be ordered to weaken those protections and make our users less safe.

We can find no precedent for an American company being forced to expose its customers to a greater risk of attack. For years, cryptologists and national security experts have been warning against weakening encryption. Doing so would hurt only the well-meaning and law-abiding citizens who rely on companies like Apple to protect their data. Criminals and bad actors will still encrypt, using tools that are readily available to them.

A Dangerous Precedent
Rather than asking for legislative action through Congress, the FBI is proposing an unprecedented use of the All Writs Act of 1789 to justify an expansion of its authority.

The government would have us remove security features and add new capabilities to the operating system, allowing a passcode to be input electronically. This would make it easier to unlock an iPhone by “brute force,” trying thousands or millions of combinations with the speed of a modern computer.

The implications of the government’s demands are chilling. If the government can use the All Writs Act to make it easier to unlock your iPhone, it would have the power to reach into anyone’s device to capture their data. The government could extend this breach of privacy and demand that Apple build surveillance software to intercept your messages, access your health records or financial data, track your location, or even access your phone’s microphone or camera without your knowledge.

Opposing this order is not something we take lightly. We feel we must speak up in the face of what we see as an overreach by the U.S. government.

We are challenging the FBI’s demands with the deepest respect for American democracy and a love of our country. We believe it would be in the best interest of everyone to step back and consider the implications.

While we believe the FBI’s intentions are good, it would be wrong for the government to force us to build a backdoor into our products. And ultimately, we fear that this demand would undermine the very freedoms and liberty our government is meant to protect.

Tim Cook

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