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A New Model For Online Journalism: Nanotransactions

June 19, 2014 by Leave a Comment

For those who write for online publications, the issue of payment and financial viability of online publications is one that’s not going to go away in a hurry. One Australian journalist has developed a great idea to potentially solve the issue, and both publishers and writers bear the fruit.

Here’s the overview:

As both a publisher and freelance writer for a range of print and online publications, this model makes huge sense to me. As a reader, it also finds a nice balance between a desire to pay for content and being able to afford to pay for it. The option to receive payments for republishing content is probably the most interesting part of the whole model and would solve another longstanding issue.

The team at Nanotransactions are looking for funding, so go have a look in more detail at what they’re offering.

What’s your take?
.

Filed Under: Business, General Tech Tagged With: , ,

Fans Annoyed At Wait For Game of Thrones Season 5

June 17, 2014 by Leave a Comment

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Fans of what is arguably the world’s most popular TV show are getting increasingly frustrated at the delays in the screening of Series 5 of Game of Thrones.

Senior Business Analyst Miles Hawthorn was scathing.

“The show’s producers spend so much time hyping each series when they could be getting the damn shows out there for us to enjoy, as is our right. It’s like the actors prefer pimping themselves out at comic conventions rather than getting their butts onto the set.”

Series 4, which concluded this week, saw some key characters die and the story change tack yet again, but it’s all too little for Haberdashery Quality Manager Sheree Markham.

“If D-Day could be launched in one morning, why the hell are we waiting more than a few days between series? The writers seem to take longer than Tywin Lannister in the bathroom – it’s a farce.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

Filed Under: The Snark, TV Tagged With: ,

Grandad and the Australian Taxation Office

June 16, 2014 by Leave a Comment

The ATO decides to audit Grandad, and summons him to their office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandad showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the ATO finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandad. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandad says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandad isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandad removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandad’s lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandad asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandad stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandad’s own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the lawyer. ‘This morning, when Grandad told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

Don’t Mess with Old People

Filed Under: Age, Email Joke Graveyard, Financial

Ten Great Game Of Thrones Theme Covers

June 15, 2014 by Leave a Comment

With Season 4 wrapping up, I thought it was worth highlighting a few great cover versions of the Game of Thrones Theme. Enjoy!

This one is so close to the original you’d be hard pushed to tell the difference during the first minute or so, then it branches off into something pretty amazing:

This one puts a brilliant jazz / dixieland flavour into it:

If too many trombones are never enough, you’ll be drooling over this version:

In the mood for some smooth jazz?

Am I the only one that wants to raid my own kitchen to do something similar to this piece of brilliance?

A Capella anyone?

How about a second helping, this time with some humour:

The Peter Dinklage version:

Of course there had to be a Game of Thrones metal cover:

And finally, the 1980s remix:

Filed Under: General Tech, Music Tagged With:

Restaurant Owner Concerned Over Palmer-Driven Surge In Custom

June 14, 2014 by Leave a Comment

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Canberra may not be known first and foremost for its cuisine, but it has a proud culinary culture. One eatery is less than thrilled with the surge in business driven by Clive Palmer’s ongoing negotiations with the major parties and other Senate cross-benchers. Dim Sim Jim’s is owned by Reg Brown, a former shearer’s cook and local personality. It has been operating out of Belconnen for more than twenty years, and in recent times has become a hive of politician activity.

“Usually our local member doesn’t come near Belconnen, let alone the big bods, but it seems the heat’s gotten too much in Civic and they’re heading out here for their dinner conversations,” Mr Brown stated.

Droves of pollies are burning a path to Belconnen, Dim Sim capital of the ACT

Droves of pollies are burning a path to Belconnen, Dim Sim capital of the ACT

Over the past couple of parliamentary sittings, an influx of power-brokers and staffers has stretched the resources of the small restaurant with its eclectic menu of pasta, pizza and six varieties of dim sims.

“It’s not just about Clive Palmer turning up in his Rolls. There’s the trailer he tows with his staff and the security guards we have to employ to keep the locals away from his car. Add in a Minister or Government Senator and it just gets ridiculous.”

Jim Brown is using the extra attention to lead a campaign for more infrastructure funding for the restaurant precinct in Belconnen.

“If we’re going to have all the knobs coming out here on a regular basis, they should make sure we have a bit more money to cope with them. Otherwise they can truly slum it and go to Dickson or Ainslie,” Mr Brown concluded.

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

Filed Under: Politics, The Snark Tagged With: , ,

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

June 13, 2014 by Leave a Comment

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I’VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’

‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’

‘How much do you charge?’

‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the shrink. ‘I’ll think about it,’ I said.

Six months later the shrink met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.

‘Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.

‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’

‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed!

Filed Under: Email Joke Graveyard, General humor

Pub Offers Kids Meal Without Chips

June 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment

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In what is believed to be a first, a pub has offered a meal for kids that doesn’t contain chips.

In direct contravention of the guidelines developed by the World Pub Food Governance Authority, hotelier Frank Dixon is offering a small portion of Chicken Caesar Salad on his pub’s menu for kids.

“We thought it’d be something different to offer a meal that wasn’t chicken schnitzel and chips, spaghetti bolognese and chips or fish and chips.”

chicken-chipsWhen asked of the reaction to the menu addition, Dixon was ambivalent.

“The punters seem to appreciate the option, with at least one in fifty ordering it. It’s the death threats from the other local pubs that I didn’t fully expect.”

Dixon’s anger at his competitors is based on the perception of self-interest.

“They’re all bloody hypocrites – Jimmy Wallace over at The Royal offers grilled chicken and sweet potato wedges. He claims it’s within the guidelines for chicken and chips but he knows he’s in the wrong.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

Filed Under: Life, The Snark Tagged With: ,

Parrots and Dogs

June 6, 2014 by Leave a Comment

“Why are you crying Fred?” asked the teacher.

“Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in laundry detergent…”

“Fred” said the teacher. “You must have known that detergent is bad for parrots…?”

“Oh it wasn’t the detergent that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier”.

—

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged. Before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive pink and blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

“That’s great!” the manager cried “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh…” the clerk replied “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me”.

Filed Under: Email Joke Graveyard, General humor

Second Life and Law Teaching

June 6, 2014 by 1 Comment

Another great initiative coming out of the University of Western Australia:

A Second Life machinima has been custom made for the first time for one of the major units for a degree programme at UWA with the efforts of UWA Associate Professor Natalie Skead, former champion of the international UWA film challenges, Laurina Hawks of Berlin, and UWA virtual worlds founder Jay Jay Jegathesan.

The brilliant short film (machinima) “Equity & Trusts: Estoppel Tutorial”, was created by Laurina based on a script written by Professor Skead for the LAWS5103 unit, Equity & Trusts, which is a 2nd Year compulsory postgraduate unit for the Juris Doctor (law degree). It was shown to students during tutorials that were a trigger for discussions on the Estoppel principle of law.

Here’s the video:

Filed Under: Law and virtual worlds, Virtual Worlds Tagged With: ,

Airplane Engines Failing

June 3, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engine plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There’s nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick”.

Five minutes later he said “Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late”.

A moment later “Err… sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected”.

One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. “Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we’ll be here all night?”

Filed Under: Email Joke Graveyard, General humor, Geographic

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